I Am Afraid To Fly
This may come as a shock. I love to travel, but I am terrified to fly. The last time I remember not being afraid to fly I was twelve. My dad needed to go on a business trip and couldn’t leave me home alone. So, he took me with him to Baltimore. I don’t remember being afraid at all. I remember being more excited to count the swimming pools from above and looking for the baseball fields. I’m not sure what happened but I didn’t fly again until I went on vacation to Mexico when I was nineteen, and when I did, I had a full-blown panic attack. I had to be pushed on the plane to return home. Nothing happened between these flights that should have directly frightened me. It’s all very odd. It just happened.
I always opted for cars, buses, and trains after that trip to Mexico. It took a very long time to get anywhere, but I still liked going places. In my thirties I started dating the man who would become my husband. Our lives were very transient as we navigated career and education goals. We moved multiple times together and endured a long-distance relationship at times as well. To see him on a regular basis during this time, I had to fly often. When I visited him in Minneapolis, I would drink four glasses of wine before I felt uninhibited enough to board the plane, and I would still tremble.
I finished my associate’s degree in Michigan and transferred to the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis to study Psychology. My first semester I took abnormal psychology. As psychology students tend to do, I began diagnosing myself and everyone around me. When I came to the chapter in my textbook about anxiety, trauma, and stressor-related disorders, I discovered a section on phobias that caught my attention. My fear of flying fit every diagnostic criteria marker of a phobia. The textbook even provided treatment methods for phobias. The most common treatment for phobias is exposure therapy. (Barlow & Durand, 2015)
There are many ways I found to expose myself to planes without flying, that helped me become a less anxious flyer. I started with just watching planes. When I did have to fly, I still drank, but I tried to drink less wine. I’d show up to the airport early and watch the planes land and take off. I listened to air traffic control. I still wasn’t the best flyer, and I would say I’m still not completely comfortable on a plane. However, I have coping mechanisms now, and a list of rules.
I have worked over the years at limiting my alcohol intake, because while alcohol is extremely helpful in quelling my fear, I also recognize that drinking alcohol is not the healthiest way to deal with your anxiety, so I have perfected my personal formula of alcohol use while flying to keep me relaxed enough to fly, without drinking excessively. I have tried flying without alcohol but I’m not quite there yet, I am very hopeful that I will be one day.
One of the most effective things I’ve done to calm my fear was meeting and becoming friends with a professional commercial pilot. This has been helpful for several reasons. He’s patient and explains all the answers to my aviation questions thoroughly, no matter how weird. I’m more familiar now with all the noises airplanes make. The more I learn, the less scary it seems. I also know quite a bit more about safety measures, and it makes me feel much safer. There are things about aviation I have no idea about, nor do I have control over. I really have an understanding what a person must do to become a pilot. Not only do they have to be smart and capable, but they must also be calm and think clearly under pressure. I’ve also learned much more about safety measures taken by airlines to keep passengers safe. The amount of training and retraining that commercial pilots must go through is more extensive than I would have ever guessed.
My friend the pilot is also, incredibly passionate about what he does. Knowing someone who is so excited about flying planes is kind of contagious. He became a pilot because he realized his childhood dream. How many people can say that? While I can’t say flying a plane is my passion, I am passionate about exploring the world, and while I still get quite a bit of anxiety before a flight, I’m realizing my dream to travel the world; and my life is richer because of it.
Recently, I flew to Mexico with my husband. It was a very turbulent flight, and at one point the plane dropped a bit. I let out a bit of a “woah” (as did everyone) but went right back to watching my movie. This would have sent me into a tailspin before working on my fear of flying. My husband said he was surprised how well I did on that flight.
I’ve come pretty far, and I’m proud of myself. I can’t wait to explore more!
Works Cited
Barlow, D., & Durand, V. M. (2015). Abnormal Psychology: An Integrative Approach (7th ed.). Stamford, CT: Cengage Learning.